bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize