we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
