Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
