I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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