According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
