So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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