I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
