you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize