On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
