i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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