my soul wont recognize me after tonight
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't want my vagina anymore.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
