i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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