K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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