Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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