i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
