Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
