he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
