I didn't shave. On purpose
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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