well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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