dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize