Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
