I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
