i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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