The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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