somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
