Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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