Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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