is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
