Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
