I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
