So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
