Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
