you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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