do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
