we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
