I smell stomach acid.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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