Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
