We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
