please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
