News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
