I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
