Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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