Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
