Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
