"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have fence marks all over my body
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
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