but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
