i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
