My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
