So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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