just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
