A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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