Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
