Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just high enough for therapy.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
