I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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