I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
