We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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