I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
