Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
