I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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