Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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