fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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