I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
