if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
