Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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