YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
