so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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