I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
