WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
