i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
