at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
