So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
