Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
