i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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